Motives

Yesterday, E and I were headed to the car after getting a new ID card. I was holding him close because the wind was blowing, like it always does. He did not understand why I was confining him and was bucking and fussing. By the time we reached the car, we were both frustrated. He got in trouble for whining and I put him in his car seat. Shutting the door, I asked something like, “Lord, help me not to think about my frustration. What can I do for You?”

And immediately, the thought crossed my mind, “Minister to E.”

I stood out in the cold, thinking about how he had just gotten in trouble: the reason was legitimate, my heart was not. I was frustrated. The motivation behind the discipline had not been to encourage a willing and obedient heart but to make him not be so frustrating. I had made it about me.

Motherhood is about laying the self down.

Life is Christ.

E is still naughty at times. And the way I deal with his rebellion is the same.

But now, I pray (even in the heat of the moment) that the Lord would give me His heart.

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